Woman wonders if a friendship is really worth keeping after she is forced to initiate every encounter or text exchange between them: 'I don’t think she’s lying to me but I’m finding it really hard to believe what she says when she’s then just so passive'

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  • Is it ever worth keeping these friendships?

    I have a friend who used to be very close, and tldr, I went through the worst time in my life, and she just suddenly told me one day, when I'd just messaged saying how lonely and awful I felt, that she couldn't support me. We
  • didn't speak for quite a while, and eventually talked through everything and she assured me she does value the friendship, but can't be that sort of support. I had directly asked her if this was a relationship she wanted
  • anymore. She said she wanted to show up in other ways, but couldn't take on the mental load. It hurt like h I but I got where she was coming from. She also never did show up in other ways. Or any ways really. I've had a
  • lot of therapy and made my peace with the fact she just isn't that person to me anymore. Thing I struggle with, is how little I ever hear from her. I've brought it up before (gently!) and she
  • says she just doesn't have much to share but will try and be more proactive. I have stepped back from the friendship a lot, but I just can't wrap my brain around whether she actually wants to be
  • friends in any context. I've arranged to see her and it's been good, but I always have to initiate plans. I can't remember the last time she organised something. Or actually asked how I was. She's very avoidant these days
  • woman holding phone texting
  • and I think she's worried I might tell her I'm not doing. great and that would be hard. The only reason I'm considering still arranging to see her is I think this is how she is with everyone,
  • and it's nice to catch up when I do see her. I used to think it was just me, but I'm not sure she does much at all unless it's things other people organise, and I think most of her life is kid- related. Her husband seems to travel for work
  • quite a bit and I don't think she would want to ask for help or say if anything is hard, so who knows. I don't think she's lying to me but I'm finding it really hard to believe what she says when she's then just so passive
  • I don't think we'll ever be as close as we were, but I'd hoped there was space for something less significant that was still positive.
  • I'm at a place now where it doesn't upset me, which it used to, but I just don't know if I should keep being the one to arrange things or just not bother.
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